There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
