i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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