Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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