I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
