Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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