He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
