one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
