i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
