I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
