At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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