I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
