but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
