Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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