she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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