i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
