is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
