Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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