I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
