I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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