his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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