She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
