so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
