If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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