I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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