i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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