@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
