Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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