No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
