After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
