What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
