she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
