Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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