So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
