do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
