i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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