I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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