Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
