Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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