Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
