Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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