I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
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He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Text me some of your sweat
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