i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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