Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
