glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
