I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
