I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
