And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Randomize
