with your own penis?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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