I think i peed on brittanys purse
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
