I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your cock deserves a montage
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
