I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
