i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
