So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
