our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
