I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
