I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
zippers are such a cool invention
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
