No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
