i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
