Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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