Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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