we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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