Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
