Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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