im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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