I wish I could punch you in the face.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
