I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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