Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
