put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Btw I puked in your glovebox
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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