I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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