You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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