dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
