i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
