I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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