I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
