RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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