I feel like I'm in dance class right now
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
