Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
