just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
