As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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