my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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