im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
