The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
