Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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