dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
