It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
